The Common Ground

There is a place where two people can stand. Having differing opinions. Having different understanding.

Sometimes this place where two can stand takes each one on a journey within themselves to find what is most important …to be right in their own mind and thinking…to have the other agree with them so that they feel protected and appreciated or is it that the relationship is more important. When we think of finding the common ground with another person we must bypass our own ego needs of LOOKING RIGHT, GOOD, and TRUE…and find the real : BEING RIGHT by Loving First…..BEING GOOD by Loving First….BEING TRUE by Loving First. When you can bypass all those thoughts in the mind that tell you that the other doesn’t understand and seek instead to understand them then you can find that common ground to stand.

Sometimes disagreements swirl in a mass of chaos. Rolling back and forth between the two gathering negative steam. The feelings that fly…the thoughts of defence….the fear of rejection and misunderstanding..the hasty words spoken..and yet if we SLOW DOWN to really hear…and bypass our storm within …we can walk on tobeing on common ground.

Yesterday my daughter said that her teacher said ” That too often the kids jump to conclusions.” In thinking of that, is that not also what we adults do?? –  JUMP  TO CONCLUSIONS…..saying to ourselves: they basically said I was stupid….they basically said I was not a good friend…they basically said they didn’t like me….

Often these are what we THINK we hear….just what WE THINK WE HEAR!!! and we are running with it !! Not knowing if it is really true we just THINK it is TRUE because that is what we say we are hearing….

In a situation, I felt like I was being judged…..and in my book I say “I found that if I saw others judging then I am also the one judging. It all begins within.”  A major key for me is admitting the truth and not defending what I feel. Yes I felt judged, but when I ran with that feeling ….. I became the judge of the other person for MY feeling  judged. When I acknowledged that I was now the one judging …I ceased from defending what I felt …and I took responsibility for my feelings and what I was now doing.

It is hard to wade through all the feelings of emotions when they become inflicted and try to walk on in common sense to common ground but it is possible.  It takes a willingness to find that ground and begin honest communication about how you feel and what you are doing to contribute to the chaos….and be willing to believe the other person has the best intentions toward you.

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One thought on “The Common Ground

  1. no amount of self righteousness can fill the void of a friendship lost over “winning” a disagreement. Not really winning when you’re losing a treasure (friendship). Loved the post, Starla!! 🙂
    I’m having to practice that concept of not assuming and listening to what’s really said a lot lately. This was a great reminder of looking within and not at the circumstances without.

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