Its not easy when God brings His Hand heavy upon you
Pressing you like clay
Sometimes we see the changes God makes in a life over time and space
But if we are aware we can feel the molding of our spirit in our everyday moments
Yesterday I had one of those moments
Time seemed to slow for me
All the world around was still spinning fierce
I couldn’t continue on as normal or as if all was well anymore
I was processing all that the Lord was laying on my heart right in the middle of the closing worship songs that I was suppose to lead.
Convicted by the message spoken
I forgot to give direction to the team…I was lost
Standing in Awe of the Love of God to touch me right at that moment and Standing in the awareness of my own Muck
A Faltering, floundering, mess on display
wanting to hide my vulnerability…tear filled.
I came home and sat undone for an hour
and He came and began to put my pieces together again
To be honest, the couch became my pity pot
My mind swirled with doubts and fears and feelings of retreat
but GOD came in after I sat in my dust for a bit
and said “I’m Here”! Here to show you a new way.”
Shinning Light on my darkened and scarred filled heart ….
He began to bandage me, wrap me in Love and call me to His side.
To some… if I told it …it may seem what struck my heart to be Not So Bad…It’s ok….
But for me in that moment, I felt that my heart was being crushed by the righteousness of God. His presence was so thick for me. I have but only one response….
I was reminded of a video while I pondered what I was being shown within.
COME UP HIGHER!
I know its not easy…
I suck at this! But I am willing …
To stop just Going Through The Motions.