The place of sadness

I took myself to a massage considering how utterly uptight I am. My hips where in constant pain. I had lots of tension in my shoulders and neck. I had already seen my chiropractor. I was better but I thought a massage would do this girl’s body good. I had been thinking about getting one for some time. It takes me a while to chose to take care and pamper myself….anyone else like that? Two kids, a husband, my house,  church youth and worship, taking care of my gma and and and friend time ya! busy you know!!

Anyway Jesse just came on to the team at my chiropractors office. Since I had been seeing this chiropractor and trusting him for over 6 years now I thought why not now!? She talked to me before hand about where my pain was and what she would like to do. She called it Myofascial Massage. This was her specialty. She said that this type of massage specifically targets a mesh like netting that holds all your muscles and tendons in place. It is literally all over the body. She said if the fascia is not loosed up then the netting will press your muscles and tendons to return to its prior position.

I thought OK, whatever you say! I’m just down for getting rubbed on lady!Winking smile

When she first started I was like “come one…what are you doing?? Sleepy smile you are so slow!!! But I decided I was here and maybe I needed to focus on relaxing which was the point…right!!Thumbs up So  I prayed, asking God to help release the tension in my body. When I heard him say to me “ I chose this massage for you!”

Now when God says something and you know you just had an attitude about it…it is TIME TO PAY ATTENTION.

After God got my attention and my attitude had been adjusted, I began to appreciate the slow methodical way she was massaging. I was feeling much release of tension in my hips which was wonderful. But when she moved to my upper back and she placed her finger in a spot and I felt it clear to my heart and I heard God say “ this is the place that you hold your sadness”

As she slowly moved I felt much release. She placed her hands on the place between my spine and shoulder blades and felt a sensation in my throat. I then heard God say “ this is the place you hold your disappointment when you swallow your heart and choose not to speak your truth and share your heart.”

At this point I am tripping out!! So I just start talking.

I said “ soooooo, while your doing this, I am hearing interesting things in my mind. I can hear then hesitation in her voice as she says “ohhh yeah!” ( no question mark on that one!lol) I said Yeah, you put your finger on a spot and I felt that clear to my heart and I heard …This is the place that you hold your sadness. She said OH WOW! In a couple months I start classes for a new technic that accompanies this one, it is focused on emotional muscle memory release.

I thought …well if that isn’t confirmation that I’m not crazy I don’t know what is!

I continued listen within and we finished the massage with my neck. She hit a spot and again I heard “ This is the place you hold your anger” 

At one point while she was working on my upper back, I noticed that I was holding myself stiff and tense in my butt and lower back and I thought what the heck…relax chick! And again God had something to say: “See you don’t even trust gravity and the fact that you are laying on a table that can fully support you. This is why I am constantly talking to you about trust.”

“Do YOU trust ME?” ……..yes Lord

and I let myself rest in that trust.

I left there so mushy and feeling wonderful. Being that relaxed and all my muscles being so loose and flexible. Later I held back what I was thinking and I felt that place in between my shoulders and spine tense up. I spoke up and it released. I also got mad about something and felt that spot in my neck start to hurt.

Psalm 38:6-8
I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.
I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

This psalm was written by David after he had sinned….

It really makes me wonder how badly sin affects our bodies and if we really don’t know what sin is anymore.

Anger , envy, jealousy, fear…

Just those four are connected to a whole host of not good outcomes and issues.

We tend to see and understand the outward effects that affect others but what about the inward effects that affect our souls.

Not letting ourselves be seen…

Letting fear reign in our bodies…

Not allowing our truth to be told…

Shame and worthlessness thinking

I wonder if we even see these things as SIN and can see the link to how all these outcomes are directly related to …

IF WE TRUST that GOD is Good

IF we trust that He is a God of LOVE and He loves US!

Here’s to being more AWARE!!


Linking with Emily:




Sink Hole

OH you know its not good

when you find yourself in the mirror

staring hard into your own eyes

pressing in with flaming anger

that you are not sharing yourself anymore









Its not easy when you are in the middle

of a conversation and all the sudden it goes sideways

takes a hard left turn into misperception

I don’t understand how it happens

but it happens….

and you grapple and scrape

and the sink hole that just opened under your feet

begging in your eyes for understanding

and you slip into the darkness

And the anger


and worse I believe that they don’t really want to

and that I am wasting my time

I have been there more times than I can stand

and worse I been walking through Fear doors

and finding greater footing for Trusting the King

and I heard my words tear my heart into pieces

…..swallow hard your heart and walk away….

God help me ….

festering quill


A big word

full of seeing, observing

knowing and catching

I became aware while reading


a set of words that are stuck in me ….festering

“I would say, I am sorry, if I

thought you would believe me”

SO WHAT! your not sorry then?

and you think I wont believe you

so, I am some mass hoarder of non believing

I wonder, is that my track record?

or is that your sin?

I’m sorry “IF” …if …if…if….if what

so you would say sorry if you thought….

SOUNDS like a YOU issue

but here it is AS MINE ….stuck in me like a festering quill

Somehow you managed to turn your wrongdoing

into an assassination of my character

and sadly because IT IS HERE STILL FESTERING…


How is that, I ask myself? by believing the lie

and not trusting that what GOD says about me is true

and letting the lie grow in me ….festering.

oh this happened a while ago and life has gone on since then

God help me,  forgive me for believing the lie!

It hurt me… angered me

created in me a sense of helplessness and hopelessness

created yet another moment where I believe

some people will never change

making me protect myself by being stand-offish

distant and barely there when together

I don’t trust and at times I fear

thinking if I say much I am overbearing and annoying

this disconnection is disconcerting

I am upset and hurting



Help me to remember Your truth about me.




People will sin against us but we don’t have to

believe about ourselves, what they give as their reason and

justifications of their sin. An aspect of grace is remembering

that they are struggling with the sin just as much as we are!

…even if we can not see it.

If true forgiveness and  reconciliation hasn’t happened

we are all still struggling…