5 things – introverted

1. Listening: I want to be able hear another person clearly, so that I am sure I have heard it the way they are meaning and not the way I think I am hearing it. I have auto reactions in my mind when I hear something that is surprising to me or that I don’t understand. I often want to ask questions for clarity to what I am hearing however fear often rings its bell and I just go silent. I end up leaving others with the feeling that I just shut them off and don’t want to hear what they are saying. In truth I am unsure that I feel safe to go through my slow process of understanding. I am often afraid to showing my process. The feed back I have received has sent me the message that it is so painstaking to others that it is annoying and feels like I don’t believe them.  

2. Vulnerability: Speaking up and saying what is going on within requires trust. The hardest time to be vulnerable for me is when something is disturbing or has hurt me. I want to right the situation and that doesn’t go over well at times. My heart is to find understanding and search out the common facts to come to level ground again, not to prove I’m right but rather to bring both sides of a situation back together, find the missing link so that both feel good and at peace with each other. I tend to think that misunderstanding is the culprit. My habitual tendency is to just float around when the person is near, to not get too close to have to actually step into a vulnerable moment. That is one habit that has been formidable and I am in the process of  breaking it. Each time is hard but I so want to enter into that space.

3. Connection: I am slow to warm up to people. I do my best to be friendly. However I don’t hop quickly into relations with others and small talk is not my strong suit. I do it but I feel most awkward. I do not have the gift of gab until I get on a subject I know then I don’t shut up easy. When I speak off the cuff I feel odd and weird. I try to be uncensored but I feel like I am displacing my soul when I do. I prefer to get use to someone’s presence being around me for a while before I open my inner world to them. Being a youth leader this doesn’t work so well. Kids come randomly and so I often feel like I am getting to know them all over again every time they come. Connection doesn’t come easy. I often feel like I am observing others not interacting with them…speaking at them not to them but once I find a connection I will cultivate it and care for it. It is important to me.

4. Expressing my thoughts: Sharing what I think is so much easier on paper or blog. I can write it out and reread it and hear it back to see if it makes sense or if I have fully said what I am communicating. Talking out loud doesn’t have that luxury. Here is why :  When I am having a conversation with someone I am thinking about what they are saying to me as they are speaking and in reference to what I have said to them ( keeping in context ) and if the situation has to do with something that was said or done before then I am also reflecting to connect the two situations so that they make sense to me. And if in that conversation something is stated like “3 weeks ago” then I am in a state of recall as to what was going on 3 weeks ago so that I have some point of reference for myself as to what we are talking about. ( yeah sounds complicated ) and this is my process. However all this thinking doesn’t go over well with people, especially if I talk about it. But to me every little piece goes together with another that makes up the real picture. I’m linking the thoughts for clarity and understanding. To them the general feedback feel I get is that I think too much or I analyze everything. Really… I just don’t know what I think until I look at each piece of information. Kind of like a murder mystery, you don’t just arrest some random person, you look at the evidence to find the truth keeping within the parameters of the crime. I am not going to interview a women who lives 5 miles away who doesn’t know the suspect and has no clue what happened.

5. Change: This brings out the strangest things in me and people. It creates instability and for me that causes me to become very cautious. I become very alert to what change has changed and I see differently than I did before. Sometimes it causes me to wonder about where I stand with people and what I think about them. When their emotions begin to flare up I tend to step back a little to make sure I at a safe distance from any ticking time bombs. I don’t usually give myself permission to have an emotional display ( where something happens and I loose it)  unless it is fairly private otherwise it is not something I do regularly outside my own home. Growing through change has come a little easier to me as I have loosened up on the need to do it perfectly. ( that’s never gonna happen ) life is a messy deal prepare the getting dirty. When things are changing and the picture is getting remade. I see the cracks in the canvas. The little ticks of nervousness or fear. I sense the distance of some or the fishing for information from others. But when it is comfortable again, when I am not also out of sorts because of change, I too loose my alertness to things. If what I am surrounded with doesn’t excite me a little then I hit the snooze button and zone out in true introvert style.

 

ANY OTHER INTROVERT OUT THERE THAT FEEL LIKE THIS?

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Friday Facts

Copy of NEWPICS 362-5

12/09/11

Linking with:

friday favorite things | finding joy

 

1. Something Funny:

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This really is the worst time to shop!!!

 

2.  A (two-fer) Quote:

* Joy is always a function of gratitude —

and gratitude is always a function of perspective.

* It’s about praise, not perfection.

The only right is found in His righteousness and grace is always the most amazing of all.

~ Ann Voskamp

 

3. A song:

 

 

4.  I like this:

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5. Picture of the week:christmastree

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

 

5. HAHAHAHA !! whaaooo! found this on Pinterest!

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LOL…wow…that is one BUSY Christmas Picture!! …you almost don’t see the little lamb.

6. A poem ….

http://poetsprose1956.wordpress.com/2011/12/08/what-for-me/

LINKING WITH:

Mommy's Idea

 

7.  Read this and it just touched my heart….

http://internetcafedevotions.com/2011/12/milkshakes/

Excerpt:

image

(double click to expand)

 

8.  A slide show of PhotoQuotes I have made:

https://picasaweb.google.com/109040837481924963811/BestPhotos02#slideshow/5612505701223986130

 

9.  SOMETHING COOL!!!!

Ever heard of DWOLLA …WELL IF NOT YOU MAY WANT TO!

Dwolla is a company kind of like Paypal but cooler. NO CREDIT/DEBIT CARD FEE’s just 25 cents per transaction over 10$  …so that means if you have a business you can save yourself the irritation & NOT PAYING THE CREDIT CARD COMPANY for the DEBIT FEE ….sound to good to be true!!?? CHECK IT OUT!!!

Here is a link also to an article about the owner and the company: http://www.businessinsider.com/this-28-year-old-is-making-sure-credit-cards-wont-exist-in-the-next-few-years-2011-11

10.  Have a wonderful Weekend!!

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STARLA

PhotoQuote #47

Hello Everyone.

I tend to shy away from posting too directly about myself…I dont know if I like that or not so I am trying something new :0) Today I thought I would do a photoquote about me.

Whatever I can!

and Just to add a little extra for YOU…this is my very FIRST photoquote that I did. I loved LeAnn Rimes words. They were speaking to me then and they are speaking to me now. Hope you enjoy!!!

Have a great WEDNESDAY!!!

Starla

Does anyone GET IT!!??

Ever have a couple of days where you feel like ” Does anyone GET IT!!??”

Maybe its a woman thing, a hormone thing, an introvert thing, a ME thing….

The last couple of days have been a bit well lets say stressful. The terrible thing is the realization it is JUST a ME thing!

or should I say ITS JUST HAPPENING TO ME…

ok so let me get to the point….believe me I could go on and on trying to describe what I am feeling like but I will spare you. (your welcome :0)

First of all, one of my New Years goals (# 5) for the year is to WAKE UP & BE PRESENT. So I have been paying attention to myself in situations and I am learning new things about me I hadn’t noticed before. While I am typing I am noticing that I am breaking goal #2 (let go of the past …lol) Well maybe this is my way of getting through so I can get on with it already. Ok back to being present….

Change is disruptive to me …..
I am not a go with the flow kind of person ( I didnt know that about me :0/.. Apparently I tend to block how I feel and just deal with it.) But being present has caused a awareness to what is true. I have found that when change happens suddenly my mind goes on a frenzy and it stresses me out to the point that in order to adjust to the new way of things I must shut down and reboot then reorder how I will do things to fit the new circumstances.

Unforeseen Circumstances and Inconveniences make me angry….
Not being prepared for everything makes me angry. ( Am I alone in these realizations??) The other night while at worship practice we were learning a new song. ( CHANGE ) Everyone’s doing their best to play their part when I hear this little voice calling from the aisle ” mommy I gotta go poooooop!! ” I am potty training and that is not easy either. So I take my little man into the restroom and low and behold there is poop in his pants. I begin to take the pants off when the poop falls out onto the floor just as I put my knee down and smear poop 5 inches across the floor. I was soooooo angry, that all I could say was I’m mad, I’m mad, I’m mad and it dawned on me I had little ears listening to me so I started saying what he says to me ” IM NOT HAPPY! ” So I cleaned up the the mess and then when to the sink to wash off my pants….ever try to wash of poop….water + poop makes POOPYWATER….(I was just basically rubbing poopy water into my leg.) When I got home it took me 4 washes to my leg with very fragrant soap to kill to poop smell from my skin.

I exited the bathroom with what my husband said RED VEINS in the white of my eyes. I was sooooooo ANGRY!! I tried to go back to sing and I just handed my microphone off and went to sit down in my embarrassment and anger. My Pastor came over and asked me if I was ok. I said a short but straightforward tale of events and proceeded to I cant do this right now. ( I just wanted to run out and go home) Gently he said “I think you should get back up there and praise” —I do believe at that moment he was the only person who could cut my anger. The issue of focus and attention moved in my mind to “will I listen to the man God put over me or not?” I got up and praised !!

Distracting myself ( getting my eyes off me and on GOD) was very helpful.

Back to DOES ANYONE GET IT?? So often I feel all ALONE in my circumstances and personality quirks. I know its not just happening to me. I am sure there are many other women who have been there…probably at one time or another she has been overwhelmed by poop. :0)

Psalm 20:7 Some trust in chariots (our own strengths) and some in horses (our ways of doing ) but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

I dont want to do it all in my own strength and my ways…..I choose to trust in the name of the Lord.

MY SALVATION
MY HEALER
MY HELP IN TIME OF TROUBLE

Thank you God that in those times that I am a mess and full of stress I can run to you and you will hold me and tell me you love me and let me know everything will be alright. Thank you that praising you releases my fears and doubts and brings truth into the forefront of my eyes: That I am loved and you care about all the little things that go on in my life.

Thank for listening
Starla