my unveiling of heart…
It is His goodness that leads me to repentance!
This I prayed at the end of my so called lament:
Me, I think I just cracked my eyes to some new light! God, my God reveal yourself in this situation. Come and display Your glory and sovereignty over my life and home. I know with You all things are possible. So hard when the evidence in not starring me in the face in a tangible way I can grasp. Let me thank you for Your Goodness even when I feel like the tide will never change. God you are a mountain mover, let me watch and see that the Lord is good be my salvation come move this mountain!!
I can only ask the Lord forgiveness and thank Him for his LIGHT.
Now for my true lament:
Oh my desperate soul, how you twist with in me.
my angry heart, has been bent on bitter thoughts.
How long, OH LORD, shall I endure these bitter pills I been given to swallow?
How long, OH Lord, will I lay in the cactus bed and with every turning of thought and remembrance stab my own heart and soul clean through?
O God, my God how awesome are your ways!
Your ways have not been my ways.
I have sat in the seat of the scornful and have drank poison wine and downed bitter meat.
I have had my double barrel gun cocked and ready.
My tongue silver and quick.
Time and time again I have called to you to redeem, remove, remedy.
Where are You GOD? Why do you allow your servant to be pushed aside, ignored, and live in need of remedy? Why do those who have hands to fix choose not to fix? Why are hearts around me felt with in and seen to be so hard, cold and indifferent?
So, I cry out, all that is within me and in Your great mercy You show me the root in my heart.
There I find the coldness and the callousness of bitter Mara. “Call me bitter for the Lord has made me bitter.” Your hand has not comforted and blessed me in my desire and need.
Now Lord do I see, with the light of the LORD I see!
My angry and bitter heart! I call to God from the bottom of myself “ Lord Forgive me!”
He calls out from the cloud to me and says “Yes daughter, Forgiven!” Jesus paid it all.
I praise the Lord, I bless His holy name for His MERCY endures forever.
He is on MY SIDE and ENCOURAGES me in a helpful way to speak forgiveness to my offenders. He has returned REJOICING to my soul for my soul says YES LORD YES LORD-Your way and not mine! CHRIST has become my victory and I can say with my all my heart YOU ARE MY GOD!
Praise be unto God who moves the mountain in me!
Thank you Lord for your gifts of GOOD PLEASURE that I can enjoy all that is from You. Thank You for the REMEMBRANCE of who I am in You. There is none like You! Thank You for the ACCESS You have given through Christ to Your heart. Thank you for the people who make up the BODY OF CHRIST for their silence when needed and for their empathy and compassion. But most of all I thank you for EXPOSING MY DARKNESS.
Your GRACE is ENOUGH!!!