Sometimes crap just happens! And isn’t it just like crap to happen from unexpected sources at unexpected times? Like when you are feeling all relaxed with yourself and peaceful!
Do you think the bible is right on that there is a enemy who is like a lion seeking whom he may devour? I think so!
The thing I am realizing most in this time of my life is that unresolved stuff attracts crap!
What kind of unresolved stuff? Well strangely good and bad stuff!
The bible says
Proverbs 27:5 Open rebuke is better than hidden love.
Love hidden is what got me. I got my feelings hurt because I wasn’t able to do something for and with the group of teens that I am a leader over. I was.. whether intentionally or unintentionally (it doesn’t matter now) obstructed from fulfilling what I wanted to do. I felt hurt that I was passed over. I felt left out and a bit uncared for. All those emotions are tied to emotions and feeling that I received wounds from when I was a young girl. So why hidden love? Well, in the word of the 80’s rock bank Cinderella “you don’t know what you got till its gone?” Now,I know they aren’t really gone gone…but the opportunity is gone, the time is gone,that moment is gone. But through it I realized just how much I love my teens @ SMAC.
Of course I spoke my mind also. Told of the one who stung me that it hurt. I was honest. I made my way through forgiveness and asking to be forgiven since I so very much coveted the spot that was given to another. I also found my way to blessing them. Thanking them for what they did for my teens.
I could have held on to my upset….but I didn’t.
I had right to it …I am their leader! but what kind of leader would I be if I allow the enemy to use my past mental and emotional tape on me and then use me to unleash anger and hurt on others.
Right now I am just thankful for the perspective…
I found LOVE hiding under that hurt!
Every emotional hurt has it’s treasure – FIND IT!
It helps bring reality to the surface and lets grace cover the pain.
OH you know its not good
when you find yourself in the mirror
staring hard into your own eyes
pressing in with flaming anger
that you are not sharing yourself anymore
“LISTEN TO ME
DO NOT OPEN LIKE THAT ANYMORE
EVERYTIME YOU TRY
YOU GET STEPPED ON
DON’T TELL YOUR THOUGHTS
DON’T SHARE YOUR LIFE
JUST LET IT PASS
AND ALL WILL BE FINE!”
Its not easy when you are in the middle
of a conversation and all the sudden it goes sideways
takes a hard left turn into misperception
I don’t understand how it happens
but it happens….
and you grapple and scrape
and the sink hole that just opened under your feet
begging in your eyes for understanding
and you slip into the darkness
And the anger
“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!”
and worse I believe that they don’t really want to
and that I am wasting my time
I have been there more times than I can stand
and worse I been walking through Fear doors
and finding greater footing for Trusting the King
and I heard my words tear my heart into pieces
…..swallow hard your heart and walk away….
God help me ….