Serious silliness!

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Being a  youth group leader has been one of the wildest rides into myself I have ever taken.

When I got saved I wanted to tell the world to conform to Christ ….more like conform to what I thought was Christ – called a lot like me. Let me explain that statement. When I join a cause, when I what you call “buy in” to something I am IN…meaning I don’t give up. I work hard to learn, conform -otherwise known as let myself be changed by the values, principles of the cause. In this case I started out in a very fundamental branch of Christianity. It was all business, very serious, you watched your p’s and q’s and by golly you kept you legs covered. I thought this is HOW to be a Christian and so I propagated it. This is the right way…But only following hard after Him and His voice calling to your very depths is where the right way is found. It looks different for each. He is fully personal and personalizes and writes our story daily.  If you knew my history you would understand why God placed me in this group of Christians for what I now have come to lovingly call BOOT CAMP! I no longer buy into that branch of Christianity. I buy into Christ. I changed location as I felt led to leave. And I submit my way to His leading ….

I had kept a few things that have helped me from that strict beginning. Seriousness. Focus. Regimented study….when the chime of some notification isn’t calling, or the dishes for that matter and the cotton pickin’ laundry.  None of which are bad for me to do.

I want to be a good leader. I want to teach them well. I cant do that if I sound like the clear eyes for dry eyes guy on the commercial. They tune me out. I take what I do very seriously and I have had to learn to be serious about JOY. Be serious about weaving the heart of God into the fabric of each word….the stern and the light.  They love to laugh and have a good time. Not all learning is evidenced by furrowed brow serious debate and exposition. They are not  interested in long explanations of a trail of thought leading to a great truth. They are interested in the Love I say He has for them worked out in the life I live with them.

They understand I enjoy them when I smile at them when they speak to me. They understand when I  get silly with them that I don’t think I am better than they are. They understand I love them when I allow them to be who they are, where they are as we work out where we are going together. 

I have slowly been working on how to marry my seriousness with my silliness to create a learning atmosphere in joy and focus. Making small changes as God leads me. I have had to call on the times when my sister and I would laugh until we cried. What girl wants to ugly cry face in front of so many? Well this happens in the car when I am dropping some of them off -lol. Remembering when I enjoyed making others laugh as a child it was a highlight and a joy. When I would dance and act out scenes in movies when I was a kid to connect some ones heart to what I was trying to show them. Sing silly songs and say nonsensical things. I basically have had to remember what it is like to LIVE JOYFUL and FUN! You know …let the wind blow in your hair, smell the roses, not sweat the small stuff kind of stuff.

The best part is I am having a good time building relationships- teens that snapchat with me during the day, Message me on facebook when they are stressed, Post photos on my facebook. Snagging my phone and leaving photos on it for me to find later. (like that first one at the top)





If you want me to…

Today I am thinking about these posts over the last few weeks on here.


I wrote it because I am finding myself playing chicken games.

Either my feathers are getting ruffled over the littlest things or I am chicken to deal with reality the way that it is and I really just want to run and hide from the issues and situations in my life or at least control the issues and their affects.  ( LIKE I CAN REALLY DO THAT!! )

and the post called CRACKED

It’s about the flaws I find in myself that I don’t want to show….and yet I want to be who I am, be real, show forth the amazingness God has done in me.

Why do I want to hide?


Why do I have a shame about my scars….when I have been redeemed?

and then the post called IT’s A HEART THING….

All about wanting to do the right thing and not speak forth negativity or angry words and yet trying to find the balance between that and not becoming silent is hard.


I am finding that when I don’t say what I feel about situations they lodge themselves in me and fester but then I fear to bring them up ( I feel tortured by it) because I don’t want to be someone who brings up the past to others when they think its over (they moved on, see no problem) -because I didn’t say anything. BUT then I am silent and say nothing and leave my friends and family wondering what is wrong because basically I am ignoring them.  ALL BECAUSE I HAVENT FIGURED OUT HOW TO STOP IGNORING THE ISSUE,  STUFF IT, or DEAL WITH IT!

I feel STUCK!

I think I just need to say it as nicely as possible how I feel in the moment and deal with it!! What do you think?

and this post THAT’S THE POINT?

About learning how to stop complicating everything through submission because its all pretty simple ….. BE HONEST, OPEN, LOVING….Live Truth, Eat Truth, Breath Truth…


All the highways and byways of the mind and heart….confusing at times. All the trying’s and workings of “I want to Do the Right thing!?”


Look! – most days I don’t feel like I am doing any of it right…but I know that He is teaching me. I am a mess ….and hopefully He turns it into a message because only He can.

I know who my Lord is.

I know I am greatly loved by Him.

I know who I am in Christ.

and yet…. it is dealings with other people…or is it dealing with me I don’t know how to fix. Lord I can’t do it. But You can….

So I ask for grace to be patient with myself

( don’t you just want to get over your trip ups all ready!!) I do!

oh and this verse gets me every time:

2 Cor. 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I trust that you are directing my path, teaching me, help me to learn the lessons, even when I don’t feel like I am.

Maybe its not so much how many times you feel like you have been around the same mountain, but about how honest you are willing to be through it and what you glean as you walk through.

Are lessons in layers?? I think so… kind of like elementary school – you don’t get it all in one year…you slowly climb the education ladder..building on each step before.

Something to think about !

May my weakness show forth His power!

( just as I was finishing this post this song came on …just in time …and I sat worshipping this God of mine! I will walk through ..if you want me too)



Linking up:

For Goodness sake- testimony share

How many of you know that learning is a process…???

None of us are perfect or do it all perfect. We gotta walk through it.

At times the lessons we are learning, going through it can be MESSY.

Sometimes we get messed up and need a redirecting…

That is what happened to me when I went to the last Rise and Shine Retreat 2010. I didn’t know it then but in the following months, some things that happened at R & S began to shine through and cause me to Rise.

I was asked to share a testimony with the Ladies of R & S ( so exciting) It was posted yesterday ( Tuesday June 7th)

Rise and Shine will be sharing a new testimony the first Tuesday of each month leading up to the next retreat.

Now that’s  a way to get PUMPED!!!

Check it out -click here: