If you want me to…

Today I am thinking about these posts over the last few weeks on here.

Like CHICKEN

I wrote it because I am finding myself playing chicken games.

Either my feathers are getting ruffled over the littlest things or I am chicken to deal with reality the way that it is and I really just want to run and hide from the issues and situations in my life or at least control the issues and their affects.  ( LIKE I CAN REALLY DO THAT!! )

and the post called CRACKED

It’s about the flaws I find in myself that I don’t want to show….and yet I want to be who I am, be real, show forth the amazingness God has done in me.

Why do I want to hide?

(Source: lifesclassroom.blogspot.com)

Why do I have a shame about my scars….when I have been redeemed?

and then the post called IT’s A HEART THING….

All about wanting to do the right thing and not speak forth negativity or angry words and yet trying to find the balance between that and not becoming silent is hard.

(source: patheos.com)

I am finding that when I don’t say what I feel about situations they lodge themselves in me and fester but then I fear to bring them up ( I feel tortured by it) because I don’t want to be someone who brings up the past to others when they think its over (they moved on, see no problem) -because I didn’t say anything. BUT then I am silent and say nothing and leave my friends and family wondering what is wrong because basically I am ignoring them.  ALL BECAUSE I HAVENT FIGURED OUT HOW TO STOP IGNORING THE ISSUE,  STUFF IT, or DEAL WITH IT!

I feel STUCK!

I think I just need to say it as nicely as possible how I feel in the moment and deal with it!! What do you think?

and this post THAT’S THE POINT?

About learning how to stop complicating everything through submission because its all pretty simple ….. BE HONEST, OPEN, LOVING….Live Truth, Eat Truth, Breath Truth…

right?

All the highways and byways of the mind and heart….confusing at times. All the trying’s and workings of “I want to Do the Right thing!?”

(source: dreamstime.com)

Look! – most days I don’t feel like I am doing any of it right…but I know that He is teaching me. I am a mess ….and hopefully He turns it into a message because only He can.

I know who my Lord is.

I know I am greatly loved by Him.

I know who I am in Christ.

and yet…. it is dealings with other people…or is it dealing with me I don’t know how to fix. Lord I can’t do it. But You can….

So I ask for grace to be patient with myself

( don’t you just want to get over your trip ups all ready!!) I do!

oh and this verse gets me every time:

2 Cor. 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I trust that you are directing my path, teaching me, help me to learn the lessons, even when I don’t feel like I am.

Maybe its not so much how many times you feel like you have been around the same mountain, but about how honest you are willing to be through it and what you glean as you walk through.

Are lessons in layers?? I think so… kind of like elementary school – you don’t get it all in one year…you slowly climb the education ladder..building on each step before.

Something to think about !

May my weakness show forth His power!

( just as I was finishing this post this song came on …just in time …and I sat worshipping this God of mine! I will walk through ..if you want me too)

 

STARLA

Linking up:

For Goodness sake- testimony share

How many of you know that learning is a process…???

None of us are perfect or do it all perfect. We gotta walk through it.

At times the lessons we are learning, going through it can be MESSY.

Sometimes we get messed up and need a redirecting…

That is what happened to me when I went to the last Rise and Shine Retreat 2010. I didn’t know it then but in the following months, some things that happened at R & S began to shine through and cause me to Rise.

I was asked to share a testimony with the Ladies of R & S ( so exciting) It was posted yesterday ( Tuesday June 7th)

Rise and Shine will be sharing a new testimony the first Tuesday of each month leading up to the next retreat.

Now that’s  a way to get PUMPED!!!

Check it out -click here: http://riseandshineretreat.blogspot.com/2011/06/testimony-tuesday-for-goodness-sake.html

Starla

Friday Facts!!

02/25/2011

It’s Friday Facts …woot!!

1.  Potty training a  “determined to be independent and do it myself child” makes for lots of wiping up of floor and toilet and wall. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! :0/

2. My church has officially changed its name. YEAH sooooooooo exciting!! We are now called:

 

3.  A poem

A crystal in the darkest cave

hidden beneath rocks away from the day

once lighted upon

shoots forth a reflection so bright

lighting the way

erasing the coldness of heart

flashing a beam that is like fire on the flesh

a mirror is how it seems

like looking into your own face

amplified by the refraction

causing a kind of jolt

that only the image holder knows

that is HIM in me

4. How aware are you about your surroundings, where you live, your state…??

The other day my friend was telling me that here in Iowa human trafficking happens. She told me a story about a girl we was taken to a rural farm-house and she was held there, locked in a basement for a long time. I was shocked. I was thinking, here in Iowa?? How can that be? That is like stuff that happens in Florida and California. The need for awareness and compassion is great. 

5.   Praise and Worship is a deep need within that my spirit is………. CRYING OUT for!!

6.  A quote:

Joy is the holy fire that keeps our purpose warm and our intelligence aglow.

– Helen Keller

7. A song  :0)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=you_nCf6cgQ

8. My friends daughter has a bird with a broken leg. She set out to bathe the bird because the poor thing had feces on the back-end. While washing the bird, she mentioned to her mother that the chickens, that they use to have, would peck that stuff off of each other, helping each other be clean. Is that not why we have friends in this life to help us?  They see the back side. :0) figuratively. They see all the junk that we don’t see because its been there for so long. Maybe we grew up in a mess and think its normal. Maybe we got broken and need someone to come along and help us wash that crud off. The sad part is that sometimes when a friend comes along ( pecking at our backside) showing us our baggage and garbage stuck to our behinds, we turn around and growl, screech and hiss. KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY POO POO!!! lol  Lord help us to be teachable enough to allow those who are closest to us to pick that junk off and help us to be free and clean.

9. For you IOWA LADIES !! Have you ever heard of RISE AND SHINE RETREAT…if not look on my side bar and click it…check it out!!!

10.  :0) Smile because someone is watching you to see if you have JOY!!!

Have a great Friday!!

Starla

A story to His Story

His eyes were dark and hazy, full of anger and hatred. I could see clear through him. Why did they all think that he was such a kind person? I never did understand why he was able to dupe this entire town. Life here in Waverly has always been about community, helping each other, being there when tragic times where ahead. He saw the innocence of this town. He saw the kindness and the naivety within the eyes of these people. The blindness they had, the corners where darkness could hide. He was able to blend in and hide among them all, like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  As for me, I could see him. I could perceive his dark heart. I wanted to provoke him, make him come out of hiding. They couldn’t say it was just my imagination then!

I wrote this after reading a writing prompt on Quotesnack.com

I love to write. I enjoy letting the free flow out…

I write because I can!! :0) No seriously, I’m not the greatest with grammar or with punctuation. As you know if you have been reading for any length of time I like to use a lot of  …. (dot, dot, dots )

If I didn’t have a spell check most of my didnts donts and Its …would look like that! LOL

But I don’t write for those things to be perfect…

I write to share ME.

To share the hardships, difficulties, excitements, joys and fears, my imagination, dreams …warts and all.

In this writing exercise I did on Quotesnack.com …. it reminded me how much I love to tell a story with my words, to be creative and make a little piece of something come to life…sparking imagination!!

 In that paragraph I think it is easy for the reader to think of a time when you may have felt the way the storyteller did. Do you remember a time when you knew, that you knew, that something was not right….and yet no one would hear you. It seemed as though everyone around you was totally taken in by a person who was less than honest or a loved one was falling for someone who was all wrong and you could see the road ahead. ????

We all may have been there at one time or another, if we have any discernment at all.

Do you remember that PUSH inside you that wants you to PROVOKE that other person to show their hand to lay out their cards….wanting them to come clean because you know that you are RIGHT!!!

1 Corinthians 4:5
Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.

We may be able to see the heartache….the hurts….the tragedy….the sadness in the end.

But we are asked to judge nothing before the appointed time….some things just need to play out.

Trusting that God will bring Good out of what is meant for evil…

It may be that the situations are meant for learning….

Lessons in patience, kindness, loving our enemy, strengthening our stand, learning not to carry the burden alone.

TRUST IN THE LORD FOR HE IS GOOD AND HIS MERCY ENDURETH FOREVER!!!

In the end it all comes to light…… what was and what will be.

My past isn’t the prettiest. I was one that some may have said ” HEY!! You are not going in the right direction!” Things I went through I wouldn’t want to relive, but on this side of knowing the Lord…I wouldn’t change a thing!! The God of Heaven designed my path so that I would walk straight to Him. I chose Him when I met Him. Those things are my history…my where I’ve been on the road to where I am. It’s all HIS STORY now!!  

Starla